Hey y’all! PART II is out! Hope you enjoy and comment! Stay tuned for PART III.
The Two Sided Journal – Part II
November 8th, 2008
I sometimes wished that I had asked her those pondering questions but I guess I was never meant to have a chance to. I used to count the number of pages I had left when I missed her because I knew that once another journal was done, I would have another chance to see her. This journal is a long and thick one, and I know it may be a long time before I will ever finish it but I still count the pages because I miss her but not because I would have a chance to see her but because I would be able to read another story she wrote in her journal once I was done.
I still remember the first time she gave me a journal; she had to leave for her trip and I was pretty anxious about it. I didn’t know if it was possible for me to even write like I do now. She said she would make it easy since it was my very first journal so it was a thin and short book. I never knew what to write so I usually stuck to talking about my daily life or writing about my favourite sports team and other interesting things going on in the world. And though the journal was a small and short one, it felt like forever just for me to finish it. 3 months later, I saw her and she gave me a new one. The moment we shared together felt so short and it was like I was at it again just so I could see her for another few days in another few months.
I was startled when she asked me if I knew why she wanted me to write in journals and what I was doing it for. Why she wanted me to do it… I never really understood and I never dared ask because I guess she just wanted me to share an interest with her, perhaps. What I was doing this for was pretty clear to me, I would write so I could see her more often and at least attempt to understand the essence of a journal. She told me I was cute for giving these responses, but she never complained or whined about how I didn’t understand the real or true reason. All she said was you’ll understand one day how important a journal can be for you when no one is out there to listen. I couldn’t catch that because I didn’t think I would have to talk to a journal even if no one was going to listen to me, but now I know what she means. There are moments in your life where you want to share your secrets, thoughts and stories and a journal is the only thing that will always listen without making a sound.
I never thought my journal would become more of an emotional place for me to write in afterall, my first few journals talked mostly about my opinions on the politics, sports and anything you’ll find in the news. She said it was great but really, I think what she wrote in her journals are far more deep. They’re full of her secrets, her stories and her thoughts. And I finally discovered why she liked writing so much, it was because she could write down anything she wanted and no one would ever know and even through a few simple words here and there, there was so much meaning and beauty behind it.
She often mentioned to me about how ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ and then she would say ‘that means the picture would have a thousand million meanings’. I used to always get confused when she said that, and she would just giggle and walk away. But through these pages of this special yet thick journal I have here, I think I’ve finally grasped something from that quote or saying. When people refer to how simple a picture can be yet it can be worth a thousand words, it means that the picture can say a lot and has a lot meaning behind it. And perhaps, it goes the same for words, the simple greeting of “hello” or “thank you” can mean so much in so many different ways. It just all depends on how we would like to interpret it. And through this, I’ve discovered the beauty but simplicity of the arts and how much there is behind everything.
And like she always said “it doesn’t take experts to write stories and share passions”. Just give a little faith and put a little spark into what you do.
Antonio
November 2nd, 2008
The last time I saw her, I remember asking her a question I never thought I would have to ask, at least not so soon. Her answer to me was “You’ll find out all the answers to the questions from all those stories you will read that I have written one day”. Though I wished that instead of reading them myself, she could tell to me with her own voice. But perhaps, knowing that each journal of hers is filled with many many stories with answers to all these questions that had pondered my head ever since I knew her is one of the motivations that has kept me writing for so long. I used to think that I understood her until I realized I didn’t. But because I’m willing to believe, I know that I will come to understand her the way she had wanted me to. I guess this was how it was supposed to be like, she wasn’t supposed to know about what questions I had for her but yet still be able to answer them. So maybe, it was fate that had brought me to never ask her any of the questions that came upon me in the past. It was made to be this way.
Though she is one of my motivations to keep writing, I know that I like to write not because of that. It’s because of all the same reasons why she wanted to write and why she loved writing. Though it may seem quite creepy that I am starting to sound like I am a “man version” of her, I will just have to say that “great minds think alike”.
She had told me that “Sometimes, we just have to open up our soul, our eyes, or whatever and just let go a little to take a look at the outside world and how big it is. We live on a planet filled with different kinds of people,” she said “and we have to embrace the uniqueness of everyone.” It is true, our world is full of different people not only are we made up of different races and that we share different cultures. We all walk different but similar paths but the way we face life is altered from one individual to another.” She told me she liked to write because it was a way for her to open up and understand what was around her. It made her realize that the most important thing was to open up and try to put yourself in someone’s shoes. Though they may not fit you all the time and you may not understand either, all we need to do is know that we all have our own reasons for things. I think that’s the one reason that helped me feel better when she hadn’t told me about “her secret”. I guess I thought that it wasn’t right for her to keep that away from me for so long but she had her reasons and maybe, through my eyes, I didn’t see the same ones.
Of course, though I wished she had told me earlier about that secret and I still have these questions pondering in my head. The whys, the whats and so on but she had never ever kept her secrets away from me because like she said, one day, I’ll have all my questions answered and I’ll be able to share the experiences, stories and secrets she had in her life.
Antonio
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